What's Not To Love?

What's not to love?
England, Lady England;
The only woman to
Ever truly seduce me,
The only woman I
Would give my life
Up for and not leave
Regret remaining with
The words on my
Headstone and flowers
By my grave.



I wrote this from the perspective of one of my characters, Charles Rowett. He was a homosexual, an actor, and also very, very patriotic. I wrote him in various situations fighting a fictional Nazi regime, in which Germany won World War 2, and Britain became increasingly oppressed under the rule of the iron eagle. There are various parts to this which really show his character, what he believed in and what he stood for.

I don't usually make a point of saying 'this person is homosexual' because really, it doesn't matter. But in a Nazi-ruled Britain, it would matter. It would matter a lot. It would be the difference between freedom and death.

The title here is an expression of various things - it's a question in two forms; one, a question about what does it mean not to love, to be cold-hearted, to be a closed-off human. But also a question about, how can you not love the world? What isn't there to love about it? Because from Charlie's perspective, the world was really a beautiful place, and he didn't understand how people could not find at least one thing to love in or about life.

Lady England being the only woman to seduce him is one part of this that really expresses a lot about his character. His patriotism for one, his undying love for his country - which ultimately, he ended up dying for to try and free some Nazi prisoners. His team succeeded, but not without casualties. This decision by me was really the only way he could have died. And in the end it seemed like that was the only way for him to go. As much as Charlie would have loved to see the end of the Nazi regime ruling over his beloved nation, at the same time... he always wanted to do something to try and be part of that ending. So, after all, he died. And obviously, without regrets. The fact that he portrays England as a woman is poignant; he's gay, and flamboyantly, outwardly so. There's no one who knows him who has a doubt about his sexuality. But that's exactly what expresses how strongly he feels for his country - the fact that Lady England is the only woman 'to every truly seduce him'. I can't quite remember why I chose to use the word seduce instead of love, but it may be that it's more of a synonym for his enraptured state, his passion, for his country. After all, she served him well, and it seemed to him only appropriate and gentlemanly to repay the favour.

I even went so far as to write up the words that would be on his gravestone. "Charles Adam David Rowett. A bouncy fella from London. What's not to love."

True Love (tv series)

I heard about this from Tumblr, and decided that I'd give it a go. I don't usually watch TV drama series, but I noticed this had a great cast - some I've never heard of, others I was dubious about, and some which surprised me. I originally didn't know this was entirely improvised by the actors, an unscripted drama, but that changed my view of it dramatically. (warning - possible spoilers, especially concerning episode 4.)

1 - The first episode, Nick, seemed like the writing was just bad. Learning the actors were improvising made my opinion take a turn for the worse. It was David Tennant being... David Tennant, and Vicky McClure being Vicky McClure with a dash of Lol from This Is England. Nonetheless I still enjoyed watching her on the screen, but in this episode, the real surprises came from Nick's wife, who I thought was excellent, and Lacey Turner, who I'm so used to being Stacey that I didn't expect her to seem like a breath of fresh air to the pointless story told in this episode. I honestly can't say why the writers of the show, or the actors, chose to tell a story like this, which really didn't show any changes in either relationship.

2 - The second was also a waste of time. I didn't particularly like the character of Paul, because again, he didn't seem to change after his shenanigans had taken place. Lacey Turner seemed to stagnate more in episode two. But that does bring me onto something that I like about True Love - the fact that all the episodes are linked together. I'm assuming the girl from episode two is somewhere in the third episode, but I didn't spot her.

3 - Holly's episode was probably my favourite, (until I saw Sandra). I'm not a big fan of the actress who plays the school girl but she was very convincing in this and their story was a lot more believable and realistic. Perhaps I identify more with the setting as it's in a school, given my age, but even still this was one of the more convincing episodes with great performances by all the actors.

4 - Sandra's episode presented itself to me as the best so far. This series seems to get better as it progresses, and with each episode only half an hour long, it doesn't take long to get through the drudge and pointlessness of the first two. I think Sandra's actress does an amazing job. The way her husband treats her screams 'loveless marriage', especially when she's sitting at the kitchen table crying her heart out over the fact all her children have moved away now, and then he walks off without a hug, a pat on the arm, any kind of contact, other than the words "I have to go to work." Interestingly her husband was the one who Billie Piper was in a relationship in episode three, and even then he seemed like, wanting a better word, a wanker. I also loved the part where Sandra was looking in the mirror. She began looking sad, empty, but then her eyes light up and she expresses this tiny smile. The change in her face is amazing and I love that the camera captures the moment, where it seems as though a fire in her soul has been lit once again. I also like the fact that when she's sat in the café with Ishmael, her hair is wild, windswept, but she doesn't care. But then the scene changes to her sat at home, hair brushed and perfect... it's just a beautiful detail that really captures the essence of difference between her feelings around Ishmael in contrast to her feelings around her husband. It was the ending of this episode which unfortunately left me disappointed, again. These episodes don't wrap themselves up in any sense of the word. They just end. Which makes me think that perhaps they're a little too short - they could do with an extra five minutes or so sometimes.

5 - Adrian's was the one that I couldn't really get my head around, although it probably was the one with the most obvious happy ending out of all five. I didn't particularly enjoy the story because the characters, apart from Adrian himself, weren't fully explained. This was the weakest in terms of story for me (apart from 2) but also happened to be the shortest.

Journey review.

We go to games for several reasons. Fun, escapism, and sometimes to learn things. If you played Journey and didn't understand or appreciate it, you probably go to games purely for the fun of them and for a different kind of escape from realism than can be found in the gaming masterpiece that is Journey. Heaven forbid that a game should promote world peace instead of oppose it. Perhaps those players who decided Journey was not for them should return to the same old same old of COD and FIFA. I don't mean to pigeon-hole players who have said this about Journey but in many cases it's players who prefer classic shoot-em-ups and causing violence than actually being made to think and indulging with some deep ideas, both of which can be gained from a game like Journey.

I've played few games recently which I've wanted to replay - but Journey  made it easy. It took me a little over 2 and a half hours to play through the first time - I wanted to explore, get a feel for the game, etc. I was lucky enough to find a lot of good companions my first time round. Needless to say my first experience of this game was a good one and it's left me crying more than once - for it's sheer beauty to it's wonderful messages and also the slight melancholy aspect it has to it.

At once I got it into my head that Journey takes place after a cataclysm or war has ravashed a once thriving civilisation - and this world is now what could be called 'post-apocalyptic' in a sense. But you won't find grey gritty landscapes, far from it. Journey's sand animations are beautiful, the sun shining off it is stunning, and their use of colour to create environments is astounding. Rarely have I seen a minimalist game achieve so much with so little. The controls are wonderfully simple, and the chirping/singing control breaks down any language barrier players may have - and I've played with others on the online version of this from Germany, Japan, and many other countries.

Despite the loneliness and lack of hope this game seems to have, the Journey you take throughout play-throughs means you discover more and more about the world, in environments you thought you'd seen everything in. Journey gives a sense of hope and replenishment after what the story tells you happened, and that making this Journey helps in some way, to learn what happened before and how to right past wrongs. There are many other types of symbolism that can be gained from this - despite a story depicted by murals. There is a generally accepted version of events, but as mentioned, a lot of other things and even the story itself is open to individual interpretation.

A game that has replay value, ease of use, accessible to just about anyone with £10/$15 in their pocket, made me stop and think, made me cry with sadness and joy, is a game worth buying and cherishing forever.

Life Path

Is it life who brought me here? Or is it me? Is it the choices I made out of the options life gave me, the paths I decided to ignore and those I eventually walked down. It's fascinating to me to remember all the things that could have been, would have been, might not have been, if I hadn't done this, or that, or said this, or been there at this time and on that day. The places I would not have seen in specific moments, the things I would not have experienced, the memories I would not have made and the people I would not have met. There are lessons I have learned and things I have realized, remembered, cherished, hated. And I am proud, glad, blessed to have had these choices presented to me, to have had the choices I've made at all. So in a way life brought me here, but so did I.

Star Wars and why I think it has unlocked potential

I've been frequenting The Escapist Magazine quite a lot recently - it has all sorts of decent news about recent games, recent films and reviews them so that you don't end up wasting your money on something you couldn't quite decide whether or not it was worth your time paying to play/see it.
From this I've learned of the upcoming Star Wars 1313 game, which allegedly is going to present Star Wars from a grittier angle.
Now, I do love the concept behind Star Wars; as a space opera, it has a lot of potential. The thing is, no one who ever does anything related to this universe really does anything... different with it. They never unlock it's potential. I quote from someone -

"They have this huge universe full of all kinds of people and places and things, and a timeline that allegedly spansthousands of years... but we always have to run into the same handful of people. It makes the "huge universe" look like a background painted on the wall of a tiny room."

And I agree a lot with the points made there. The fact is that they always use the idea of Jedi - I realize that the FILM plotline focuses on the Skywalkers and the Jedi but they're so overused! I think one of the only related games/books in the universe of Star Wars that seemed to really diverge from this whole idea was Knights of the Old Republic - and even then, it had something to do with the Jedi.
Despite this the universe is so complicated that it's very hard for someone who hasn't grown up as a die-hard fan to really get to grips with it. I know very little of it compared to those who are hardcore into Star Wars. My knowledge probably expands to the films which I remember barely anything of and a smattering of the games out there.
I just wish that George Lucas would have given us some more information about the universe he tried to depict and lore and that sort of thing - and that other people would at least try to take more of a risk with it instead of sticking to the same old same old because it's 'safe'. I love Jedi, I think it's a really cool idea, but they need to do more with it, explore its potential, or get away from it entirely. I don't always want to hear about the Force, lightsabers and Jedi order. Sometimes, I just want to know more about other races and planets of the Star Wars fandom.

Skyrim Review

I thought I'd review a big name in the gaming world for my first review. Skyrim is the fifth installment in the Elder Scrolls series, brought to us by Bethesda. Skyrim benefitted from a huge fan base mostly conjured up from the huge amount of Internet interest that happened before the game's release.

I know a lot of reviewers have given this game really good reviews. I want to look at it from an objective point of view. True, the graphics are good, as is the gameplay, and it's an all round fun game to play. The Elder Scrolls franchise is a game that is well-known for it's open world, it's almost endless reems of quests, and a bunch of other stuff you can lose yourself doing. You want to pick herbs for hours on end? Do it! You want to hunt animals in the wild? Sure!

What I liked about Skyrim was that it went back to its roots a little more than Oblivion did. Where Oblivion felt more at home in a European fantasy setting, Skyrim seemed to borrow more from it's predecessors than Oblivion did. They came back with the Dwemer ruins (a favourite) as well as some things that long-time fans may recall from the Bloodmoon expansion. Fast travel introduced another method - the horse carriage. I felt this harked back to the fast-travel systems in Morrowind a lot more, which was nice to have the alternative if you didn't want to map travel, walk, or horse ride it all the way across the other side of the huge map. What's more, this was only available to the major cities and towns, instead of being able to get a ride anywhere you wanted. I enjoyed that aspect of realism.

When I first stepped into the game I was awestricken. But I looked around on that little cart during the prologue and wondered if the trees were supposed to be like that. I was in awe of Alduin, until he started turning up everywhere and instead of being a general fear mongerer, being a general nuisance. There wasn't a single moment I found the main antagonist scary. These dragons weren't big enough for my tastes - I remember thinking that way back when the first trailer featuring gameplay was released.

The graphics were good. For about a month. Then I remember Assassin's Creed, Bioshock, other titles with style and beautiful execution in design. Then I'm not so sure. Skyrim looks good in the concept art but sort of... fails with the delivery. I still can't quite make my mind up about the redesign of the Mer races (that's the elven races), although it was more of another returning to roots scenario than an actual redesign. At least we are rid of the balloon faced people that haunted our Oblivion nightmares.

The plot seemed as though it would deliver. The game looks beautiful. The controls are straightforward. The skills menu is a work of art.

So why is it that it bored me within a month? 

There are several reasons for this. One is the fact that it was dumbed down, yet again. Instead of always calling the Dunmer by their real name, they're constantly referred to as 'dark elves'. The Dwemer are always known as the 'dwarves', even though that's very inaccurate. What seems to have happened is that The Elder Scrolls acquired an even larger fanbase through Oblivion, and instead of catering to their old audiences by creating more beautiful, realistic lore for us to enjoy and gnaw on, they've dumbed it down for the general populace to enjoy as a more regular run of the mill roleplaying game. They simplified the levelling system, the alchemy system, and the magic system. For some of us those things were a welcome relief, but some of them just take more away from the atmosphere of the game series.

The plots were another reason I got bored. I didn't bother to do the Dark Brotherhood, the Companions, or the Civil War questlines. Why? Because I didn't see much point. The Thieves Guild was basically the DB Oblivion plot rehashed, although it proved to be one of the longest and best plotlines in Skyrim. The Mages Guild was disappointing. The main plot made the civil war redundant after a certain point. Did I have any motivation to do any of these, besides self-gain and sense of completion? No. Because it really doesn't affect the world. Bethesda should get George R. R. Martin to write their plots for The Elder Scrolls. At least they'd have some political intrigue to them, something that really made you want to continue with them and even start them. And something that didn't have you running somewhere to clear out a dungeon, find a lost sword, and bring it back. That kind of quest is everything I hate about roleplaying games of any type.

The enemies are repetitive. I must have fought over 1k Draugrs in my 70+ hours playing Skyrim. They get as dull as Daedra did. I would have liked it if dragon attacks actually  meant something and seemed as random as they were meant to supposedly be. But after dying from a dragon attack in Makarth, reloading from five minutes previously, only to have the same dragon attack the same city... it didn't feel very random to me. Not even the type of dragon varied. It was exactly the same colour and type. I felt a little cheated when things like this started to happen.

Everything seemed very inconsequential in Skyrim altogether, and it seemed as though it was just another incidence of my character, the Dragonborn, solving all the problems that the citizens of Skyrim had. I need more opposition than a few evil elves and ancient dragons. I need them to burn down villages and arrest people in front of me. I need dynamic events which shape the world. I need something more than Skyrim appeared to offer but never delivered to me.

At least Jeremy Soule did another bang-up job of the music score.

7/10 - There was a lot lacking, but I had fun for 2-3 months before it became repetitive. Definitely not as engaging as previous installments.

Time to write!

I wish.

Increasingly I find myself wanting to write more - wanting to get on with it, find ways of writing something creative every day. But it's difficult finding the time. I have other things which always seem to take priority - college work, eating, sleeping enough. This could be because it's the first exam period of the year, and I seem to be getting a lot more work from other subjects apart from the one I have an exam in - probably purely because they don't want me to ignore their subjects. Grr.

It's not just writing that's been placed somewhat on the back burner. Other hobbies seem to have less time spent on them at the moment too. Beading hasn't really made any progress lately although I did get some lovely green wooden ones from China which took 3 weeks to arrive, so I've got something in mind for those when I find the time. Art too, hasn't been progressing as much as I'd like it to, but then again it's better than last year or the year before. I do draw a lot more than I used to and for that alone I'm happy. And then I feel like I should be keeping fit but do I honestly have the time, besides making sure I do little things like walking up to the bus terminal and not catching the bus from town to college? Not really.

The only thing I do find time for is reading. I'm probably a little more enthused for this than usual because of the pile of 8 books I accumulated over Christmas. It might be this which has got me very stoked to write something of my own, and of course it's always helped to read something someone else has written to get your own ideas flowing.

There's another underlying reason behind wanting to write more. Not only because I'd love to get something novel-shaped finished, but I've been thinking of careers - journalism, perhaps. There's the question over whether I'd really like to write for a living, whether I would love it or whether it would become too much of a chore and I'd never write anything remotely creative again, but I think that's a blog post for another day.